"Involved fathering is good; connected fathering is even better," says Ken Canfield, president and founder of the National Center for Fathering in Kansas City, Mo. "Research shows that a strong link between a father's involvement in his child's life and the stability of that child's values, personality and conduct."

Children whose fathers are actively present in their daily lives are known to demonstrate positive personality traits, such as increased self-control, greater cognitive abilities and increased empathy. Canfield agrees, saying that these children are also more likely to have solid marriages later in life.

How to Be a Successful, Connected Father
The benefits of connecting with your children as a father are immeasurable in the eyes of a child. To be a presence in the home is not enough to constitute connecting with your child. There must be a conscious effort to make time, show an interest and learn about what makes your child who he is in order to successfully connect with your child.

David C. Dollahite, Ph.D., professor of family life at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, has learned through his vast research with fathers that the majority of dads believe that their work as a father is among the most important they do. "I have also found that most fathers strongly desire to be the best dads they can be and want to improve as fathers," he says.

Dollahite offers these tips to fathers, as part of a wish list he created for fathers who want to improve as dads.

1. Establish and maintain a deep personal commitment to the well-being of your children, and make your children the priority they should be.
2. Make the tough choices required to give your children as much of you as possible.
3. Spend fun and enjoyable time with your children – laugh and smile often.
4. Take them to new places, help them learn new skills and introduce them to new ideas.
5. Remember that children spell love T-I-M-E.
6. Frequently and enthusiastically communicate to your children that you are proud of them.
7. Be present at the important "firsts" and other meaningful events in your child's life.
8. Remember that most often "quality" time happens after sufficient "quantity" time.
9. Listen more than you speak; encourage more than you direct.
10. Continually communicate your deep and growing love for your children no matter how old they are.

Being a connected father takes time, patience and involvement. The old saying, "Actions speak louder than words," holds true for fathers who are struggling to find a way to connect with their children.

Neil R. Campbell, executive director of Dads Can from London, Ontario, Canada, gives these tips to dads who are striving to be involved parents: "Read to your child. Play with him or her. Attend your child's school events, music recitals or sports events," he says. "Do an organized activity together such as hockey or gymnastics. Have fun together doing chores around the home, and let your child help out in his or her own way"

Campbell stresses the importance of being an involved dad, pointing out that all children want your involvement in their lives and need you in order to help develop their own sense of confidence. Putting your children first may mean reprioritizing your life. The rewards are great and will last a lifetime for both you and your child.

"Your children will grow up and perhaps eventually will have children of their own," says Campbell. "Your participation in their lives and those of their children is ongoing. Fatherhood is a lifelong commitment, and your relationship with your child is forever."

Time to Put It Into Action
"The father who aspires to greatness puts his knowledge and his aspirations into action," says Canfield, also the award-winning author of Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers. "Simply said, he connects. He sets down the paper, forgets about his golf handicap for now, limits his overtime at work, and he mixes it up with his children. He remembers to ask himself annually, monthly, even weekly, 'How much time am I spending with my son or daughter?' 'Would he or she benefit from spending more time with me?'"

Canfield says this can be a sobering exercise, but may lead you to be a successfully connected father. It's important for a father to plan to carve out time in his day – half-hour here or an hour there – every chance he gets.

Canfield says that like everything in life, healthy fathering involves balance. "That balance needs to happen in all four of the basic dimensions of fathering – involvement, consistency, awareness and nurturance," he says.

To be involved, it means spending time with your children doing everyday things. Dads need to be consistent by being available and present on an ongoing basis. "We need to be there for the routine – building patterns, traditions and memories," says Canfield. "But we also need to be aware of things that are out of routine – recitals, big games, tough classes, favorite toys, romances, break-ups, fears, hopes and dreams."

A Father's Story
Ron Ahlstedt, a dad from Lawrenceville, Ga., is very connected to his three children. As an active participant in many of their personal activities, he is able to watch his children grow firsthand. "I'm a Cub and Boy Scout leader with both of my sons," he says. "I have gone fishing, hiking, camping, coached sports teams, rock climbing, rafting and gone to the auto races with them."

Ahlstedt has taken his 9-year-old daughter to her dances, coached in her team sports and taken her camping. He is always the first to step up when parental volunteers are needed in an area that interests one or more of his kids.

He encourages fathers to get more involved in their children's lives in whatever way it might be. He believes that too many fathers put their own needs above the desires of their kids. "Talk to them, play with them and be interested in their lives," says Ahlstedt. "Encourage them to do their best. Talk to them about sex, drugs and what happens if they make bad choices. And don't fake it – kids are smarter than you think."

All dads can make time for their kids if they really want to, says Ahlstedt. "The problem is: Do they really want to?" he says. "I say it must be important in your life if you want it to happen. Your children are the only thing you truly leave behind in this world. What you teach them will affect your grandchildren and their children."

In order to truly connect as a father with your children, Ahlstedt believes you have to spend a lot of time with them. Get to know them, and enjoy them as they grow. The connection will become more natural as each of you learns about the other through quiet talks, loud football games or just by hanging out together. You have to give in order to receive.

Want to see more?

• Daddy, Play With Me!
• Dads and Daughters: Making the Most of This Special Relationship
• Are You Listening to Me?
• Talk about it!