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Expert Q&A

	By iParenting Staff iParenting Staff Experts

How can a dad-to-be start the bonding process before Baby arrives?

It is important to understand that bonding is a process. It is not just something that happens. You are building a relationship, and bonding will take time. Remember that your wife had a nine-month head start and a physiological advantage – she carried the baby, which made it more natural for her to bond with the baby.

Here are some suggestions on how you can bond with your baby.

• Give your wife permission to wake you up in the middle of the night to help with the feeding of the baby. Although you can't breastfeed, there are other ways you can help in the process. You can bring the baby to Mom and rock the baby to sleep after the feeding. This is a great time to spend with the baby, because there are no distractions in the still of the night. It is just you and the baby.
• Talk about your baby at work. This is important for two main reasons. One of which will be noted in the next tip. It tells your employer and coworkers how important family is to you and what a proud dad you are. Place a picture of the baby at your desk and show it to everyone.
• Attend doctor's appointments with your baby – just you and the baby, without Mom. This is where your relationship with your employer comes in. You need to let your employer know how important it is for you to do this and that taking time to attend a doctor's appointment will not affect your performance at work. Also, let your wife know that you'd like to have this time alone with the baby. Note: A mom may not recognize or be aware of how much time she spends with the baby and how little time and opportunities a dad has to be with the baby. Assure her that it is OK to relinquish the baby in your care and that you can be trusted.
• Each second and minute you spend with the baby will help strengthen your bond with the baby. Even the simple tasks of caring for the baby, like changing diapers, bathing, feeding, walking the baby in the stroller and singing to the baby, will enhance your relationship with the baby.

This may all sound simplistic – and it is. However, how to bond and spend time with the baby is not the real issue. It's about making the time. And remember that a dad's time alone with the baby also provides an opportunity for the baby to bond with his/her dad.

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