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Expert Q&A
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| By Jenny Lewis, M.D. Pediatrician | ||
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My ex-wife and I have started seeing each other again. Should we tell the children?
It would indeed be hard to keep this sort of secret from your children. They will detect the difference in your behavior whenever you meet, even if they only see you together for the routine handovers when they go from home to home between you, or when you speak on the phone. Sooner or later someone -- a family member, a babysitter, etc. -- will inadvertently "spill the beans" if you try to hide what you are doing.
Better to tell them the truth -- that you have done a lot of thinking about what went wrong in your relationship to precipitate the divorce and that you are both committed to better communication and respect of each other?s needs. Tell them that you will try your hardest to rebuild the relationship. Make sure that these two statements are really true and if not, think again before you go down this path. Do not tell them you and your ex are doing it for their sake. If the attempted reconciliation fails at least it will not feel like they, the children, are at fault again. There is much more about the hazards of keeping secrets from children or telling them half-truths in our book "Don't Divorce Your Children" or on our Web site childrenanddivorce.com.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you!
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