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Expert Q&A
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| By Paul Coleman Psychologist Family Therapist | ||
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I am a single father. How do I talk to my 11-year-old son about sex?
By age 11 your son knows more about sex than you wish, but some of what he knows is inaccurate. Many public schools teach children about sex and reproduction with the help of educational films -- usually around grade five. You might wish to talk to your son's teachers to find out if the school is planning anything along that line.
Teaching your child about sex and reproduction involves three elements: you must discuss the mechanics of reproduction; your values about sexuality; and you must be prepared to have more talks in the future.
Some parents find it helpful to have books on reproduction available when talking to their kids about sexuality. Browse through your local or online bookstore or local library to see if any such books would help you. Some books are more technical, others such as Where Did I Come From are laced with humor. How to Say It to Your Kids: The Right Words to Solve Problems, Soothe Feelings and Teach Values is an excellent resource not only for discussing sex but for a wide range of topics. It also helps parents improve their overall communication style.
Discuss the mechanics of sex using the correct terminology. It's OK to tell your child you are a bit uncomfortable discussing the topic. Admitting you are uncomfortable often makes you and your child less uneasy than you would be if you tried to pretend you were relaxed.
Teaching your values is very important. You will also need to clarify those values every time your child wants to watch a TV show or movie that you find objectionable. Statistics are sobering. Kids are experimenting with sex at an earlier age and it is estimated that over half of all high school seniors have engaged in intercourse at least once. Being clear about your values is essential.
You will be glad you spoke to your son and once you've broken the ice you might discover it gets easier to discuss the topic in the future.
Don't delay. And good luck.
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