Tony's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 11/16/00 -------------------- 11/1/00 10/19/00 -------------------- Tony's Introduction

Introduction

It’s time to tell you about Ashley -- my little "black sheep" of the family. Everyone has one, right? My number two child will be 16 on December 5. Unlike my 18-year-old, Shannon, Ashley has found her identity in the criminal realm of her young life.

She came into this world at a time when title, position and stature were my "gods." I had been a manager of a young upcoming company for six years. New cars and a fast lifestyle was way "in." So was drugs and alcohol. I lived by speed during the day, and slept after a 12-pack of Miller EVERY night. My family had already begun with the birth of Shannon, but my ex-wife found no pleasure in staying home to raise a family. She insisted on working full time in her career also. We never met eye-to-eye on family issues and Ashley’s birth was a last ditch resort at saving the marriage. It failed shortly after her birth, and by her second birthday, Mom and Dad were divorced.

The first four years of her life, she grew up between houses. My ex-wife’s during the week, and mine on the weekends. I met Koren, my current flame and wife of 14 years, and she brought some stability into my life. By the time Ashley was 5, I fought for joint custody and won. I set up both school and child care and was in control.

Two years later, my ex-wife moved to Tennessee with her boyfriend. Rather than a court battle, we decided to let the girls pick where they wanted to go. Shannon stayed with me, and Ashley went to Tennessee. What a mistake this was to be!

After five years, I got Ashley back. There was a battle in court and after the dust settled, I had full custody of her, including child support.

Have you ever read "Pet Semetary" by Stephen King? I keep repeating the main theme of the book over and over in my head, "sometimes dead is better." Don’t get me wrong. I don’t wish anything bad about Ashley, it’s just what I got back wasn’t what I sent off five years earlier.

I still don’t know -- and may never know -- all the details. What I do know is she lived through hell from her mom and her mom’s boyfriend/husband. Sexual and mental abuse was the repeated theme and not even CPS could do anything, because Tennessee does not recognize the law or authority of the state of California.

In just two and a half years with us, Ashley was arrested three times for stealing and resale of stolen property. I involved Ashley in all my public service activities -- such as the Mountaintop Volunteer Ranger Program, the Fire Lookout Program, weekly church activities, sports, music, and so much more. She was even baptized and became a Christian. She had two counselors working with her, but with poor grades, lying, and the third arrest, she was sentenced to a youth rehabilitation facility over 500 miles north of us.

I got off the phone with her the other day and cried. My little girl is so alone, confused, and so far away from home. This is her last chance at getting her life together. Will she? I pray she will every day. She has so many people who love her. I just hope she looks one more time to see it.

They say she is ready to come home early. Maybe after the Christmas visit.

Hindsight IS 20/20! Fourteen years ago my life began to change, much of this due to my wonderful wife Koren. God has replaced the "gods" in my life. My oldest daughter Shannon and my son Joshua have benefited from these positive changes. (Shannon being on her first mission trip to Japan through the church, and Joshua receiving awards such as "Trustworthiness" through his school.)

I don’t think I’ve failed as a parent, but I do think one fell through the cracks. "Two out of three ain’t bad"? Good song, but not a good line to follow. I trust that God has a plan for Ashley. I hope I am a part of that plan. In the meantime, I will be here for her, if, and when she needs me -- for the rest of my life.

Tony