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Rob's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 11/15/00 -------------------- 11/7/00 11/1/00 10/25/00 10/10/00 10/4/00 9/25/00 9/19/00 9/13/00 9/6/00 8/29/00 8/23/00 8/16/00 8/8/00 8/7/00 8/1/00 7/26/00 7/19/00 7/12/00 7/5/00 6/26/00 6/15/00 6/8/00 5/25/00 5/22/00 -------------------- Rob's Introduction

August 1, 2000

Bored. Bored, bored, bored ... exhausted. That's me. Of course I'm not lacking things to do: if Rowan isn't demanding attention, there's plenty of packing still to do, not to mention all of the paperwork and planning that goes into moving a family to a new state.

Then there's job-hunting. It's been a couple of weeks since my last round of letters and resumes went out. I'm not getting any response, and the ones I've called about want me to come to Texas to meet them before they offer an interview.

Then there's the day-to-day domestic chores that are never completed, but always must be redone each day: dishes, sweeping and mopping, keeping control of the chaos and ensuring that the home remains child-proofed. And if that's not enough, I should really do some of the writing I meant to do this summer. I'm writing this journal, and I am almost done with a book review for iParenting that is now probably late. But I had envisioned myself starting a new play this summer, and by the time I've done all of the things I have to get done, I have no energy to write.

I feel guilty complaining to Jenny. After all, she has a job she goes to every day. Who am I to complain when I'm not even working right now? What right do I have to feel overworked when I make dinner and do the dishes by myself while Jenny gets in a little play-time with Rowan before bed? After all, she worked all day, and it's her salary supporting us.

But didn't I work all day as well? I took care of Rowan, which admittedly can involve a lot of playing, but she can be a tremendous energy drain. The baby that everyone thought was perfect has become the toddler with as much energy and angst as any other child. As much as I love her, I get tired of being in child-land all day.

Again, to be fair, she goes to day care three days a week, so then I have the time and the apartment to myself right? Certainly, in theory, that's true. If we weren't moving that would be much more true. As it is, those days are given over to sorting files, packing boxes, updating our correspondence, etc. Sometimes I get to go out and buy some tape or something. When I told a friend that I was doing all the packing, he asked me if that wasn't the wife's responsibility. He was partly joking, but only partly.

I have a very strong sense that I have taken over most of the traditional wifely duties. We were never a very traditional couple to begin with. I have always done the dishes and participated in the cooking. We have shared laundry and cleaning in what I think is a very even way, and what we didn't feel like doing just didn't get done. It was almost like two guys living together.

Since Rowan arrived we have both been doing a lot more, and I don't want to imply that Jenny is playing the Neanderthal Husband, because she is not. I guess what I am saying is that I have become acutely aware of the hidden isolation and pressures that women in the home have been dealing with for generations. As a society, we are much more willing to recognize this tension for women than we once were. It is commonly accepted that being a mother can legitimately be a full-time job. I can't help feeling that as a father, my similar efforts are somehow imbued with less honor and less sympathy. That's probably just self-serving misery talking, and two months can't compare to a lifetime, so please don't think I'm claiming to have had the full experience. Still, that's how I feel.