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Michael's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 8/28/00 -------------------- 8/21/00 8/14/00 8/7/00 8/1/00 7/24/00 7/17/00 7/10/00 7/3/00 6/26/00 6/19/00 6/12/00 6/5/00 5/29/00 5/22/00 5/14/00 -------------------- Michael's Introduction

May 22, 2000

Dear Readers,

No Time for Sleep in Illinois:
After his night terror last week, Brandon has been reluctant to go to sleep, requesting "help" in sleeping from me or Lisa every night, which usually causes his sister with whom he shares a room to want to get out of her crib and join in the fun. He also has woken up every night at about 2:00 a.m., scared from a little nightmare or the dark, and one of us has had to go comfort him in his bed or bring him to ours.

While I have never been a big fan of going to sleep or sleeping I prefer the aliveness of the morning to the stillness of the night I’m quickly gaining a greater respect (again) for this necessity of life, and how wonderful it is, especially when it proceeds unbroken for more than three hours at a time.

On the good side, my frequently interrupted R.E.M. has given me the motivation to add a long-delayed project to my summer list and mark it A+ priority, #1 job: Put the kids in separate rooms. As soon as Lisa goes on break for the summer, I’m moving one of the kids out to the third bedroom, which now functions as her walk-in closet. Lisa, dear wife, say goodbye to your bedroom-sized walk-in closet and hello to more of your clothes and shoes in storage boxes in the utility room. Sorry dear, that’s just the way it has to be.

Gift of Time:
Mother’s Day provided a mixture of feelings mostly good, very good. But I had a feeling that my wife somehow got lost in all the celebrating of my mother and grandmother and her mother. After all, we didn’t have our own little Mother’s Day for her. She didn’t seem to mind, but this feeling persisted nonetheless. Anyway, in an attempt to assuage my merit-less guilt, I gave her the present of time to do with what she wants. After coming back from her mom’s on Sunday, I told her, "Why don’t you go out to a movie with my mom or sister tonight? I’ll watch the kids." Her face immediately brightened and after checking to make sure I was serious, she walked directly to the phone and made the plans, before I could change my mind.

A Timely Discussion:
Later in the week, I had a guys’ night out with some of the men in our church group for young married couples. We’re all about the same age with kids about the same age (one or more under four). Also, almost every family in the group has one parent staying home with kids; I’m the only dad, of course. On this night, however, I discovered that I’m not the only dad who wants to stay home or thinks that staying home is a great job.

While sitting around after dinner and enjoying some manly conversation and the spirits of the night, the young man to my right (he’s about 31 years of age and has two kids under four and one on the way) leaned over and asked me, "You stay home with the kids, right?" He was confirming more than inquiring. "Yes," I said. "Well, I was talking with Matt [not the real name of another young dad in our group], and we were thinking that it would be really great to stay home with kids. So, is it?" I paused then leaned closer, with my smile slowly stretching to my ears, "It’s a really good gig. I don’t understand why anyone would seriously complain about it or disparage it. It’s actually quite fun and... liberating, in fact."

He rubbed his chin and nodded in agreement, "That’s what I thought. But... my wife is always telling me how lucky I am to work all day."

"Really? I can’t believe she means that," I said. "Here’s a little more insight into just how good it is at home: I haven’t worn a watch regularly in two years and I can’t remember the last time I had one on. Most days, it doesn’t matter what the day or the date is. And we don’t need a clock to keep us on schedule, because we make our own schedule, except on those rare occasions when outsiders, like a repairman or doctor, intrude on us. We live on our rhythm and our whimsy and those take us through each day."

More than anything I said, the thought of life off the clock, life without deadlines, life in flow of nature and need, captured his imagination the most and mine too. For this, I realized, is one of my secret joys of staying home, doing what we want, when we want. Time is ours. Our conversation continued for another ten minutes in which I also emphasized that running a household is a tiring full-time job, if done right, even though the rewards and benefits are great. I also told him that I’m lucky because my wife helps out with household tasks and appreciates my efforts to make things easier and more enjoyable for her more than the average husband coming home from work.

While I’m pleased that my friend was interested in the stay-at-home life, upon further reflection, I hope my answer doesn’t cause marital discord. Oh well, time will tell.

Until next time (seven sunrises from today),