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April 7, 2002
As we have shared the story of Piper's birth, many have been stunned that Laura gave birth without the aid of drugs. The pain associated with delivery these days is usually managed through medication rather than through "natural" means -- understandable since modern medicine generally defines "pain management" as "feel NO pain." There are times when this makes perfect sense, but eliminating pain during childbirth also eliminates a big component of the overall experience. (Easy for the dad to say, right?)
When Laura said she wanted to explore the possibility of natural childbirth, my face registered a look indicating I thought she was kidding. Fathers-to-be, my first advice: When your wife brings up this topic, TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. In the end, she may decide that this ain't her bag, but while she considers it, make sure she knows that YOU believe she could do it. No matter how "wimpy" you might believe your wife to be, the birth experience will bring out heretofore unknown fortitude. I know I'll never underestimate Laura's strength again.
Often we are asked,"How did you do it?" For one thing, circumstances ALLOWED us to do it. Even while we devoted all that energy toward preparation, we understood that a myriad of events could have required us to take an unplanned route. All you can do is get ready and then be prepared to throw it all out the window. Just make sure Baby and Mother are safe.
Other than good fortune, there were a few things we did to increase our chances of success. Here are some suggestions from one dad who has done this a grand total of one time. Take it for what it's worth.
1. PREPARE LIKE CRAZY. Get good birth classes that support your philosophy of natural childbirth. We didn't use LaMaze or Bradley, but you certainly can. (We had an amazing 8-class program offered by a group here in Chicago called Birthways, Inc.) Many expectant parents walk into the hospital with a "notion" of a no-drugs birth but they have little idea of the arena they are entering. Whether you're having your baby in a hospital or in your home, a natural childbirth class will expose you to virtually all of the variations -- the good and the bad. The more you know, the less surprises come your way. Most importantly, you'll learn the tools of the trade for my next two points. Also, read as much as you can about the birth experience. Dads, I highly recommend the book _The Birth Partner_ by Penny Simkin. Quite useful.
2. DURING EARLY OR PRE-LABOR, REST, REST, AND REST SOME MORE. Laura and I spent the first 11 hours of labor in bed, and that rest was invaluable. Many decide to do stuff like go for walks or run errands, either because they think this will speed things along or because they're too nervous to do nothing. Two things can result from this strategy: the labor can stall; and when active labor finally hits many hours later, Mom and Dad are so exhausted from the early running-around that they don't have the strength to make it through the hardest part of delivery.
3. MANAGE THE PAIN. This responsibility largely falls on you, dads. My most important job for the first 17 hours of labor was to make sure that Laura was as comfortable as possible. This required lots of massage and as many different forms of heat on Laura's abdomen and back as possible. We used all of these at one point or another during labor: An electric heating pad, a hot water bottle, a Bed Buddy microwaveable rice sock, a hot bath, back massage, and putting Laura in every position we could think of for maximum comfort. Our birth class gave me many other tricks to use during contractions. Dealing with all that pain saps a lot of energy out of Mom, so the easier you can make it now, the more fuel she'll have in the tank when it's time to push.
4. TRY TO WAIT BEFORE HEADING TO THE HOSPITAL. Few things are more disappointing during labor than thinking your wife has progressed a lot and then getting to the hospital and finding out she's only one centimeter dilated. It doesn't matter whether she's been having contractions for two hours or 12 hours -- contractions alone are not clear signs of progress. There are many other signs to look for (which you'll learn in birthing class). If you keep showing up at the delivery room, the nurses figure that you want to be there and they will admit you -- no matter how far along you are. And once you're admitted, you're on the clock. THEN if you don't progress, at some point they'll progress you with drugs. Our doctor and birth instructors made it clear: If we wanted natural childbirth, we were not to darken the threshold of the hospital until contractions were three minutes apart, lasting a minute or more, for more than an hour (assuming there were no other complications).
5. USE A TUB DURING ACTIVE LABOR. This is natural childbirth's secret weapon! When we first arrived in our delivery room, Laura's contractions were so intense that you could see the fear in her eyes. When she was finally allowed into the giant tub (footrests, armrests, and a headrest -- ultracomfortable!), everything changed and I knew that she could do this. Try to pick a hospital or birthing center that has hydrotherapy available.
6. HAVE SOMEONE IN THE ROOM WHO'S BEEN THERE. Dads, your help will be very necessary throughout the birth, but nothing beats the wisdom of a woman who has experienced natural childbirth from both sides. Our doula Patty stayed right by Laura, quietly and confidently feeding her what she needed to hear to bolster her energy and attitude. And even though I never felt nervous or out of sorts, Patty's presence brought me even more confidence. She had an endless supply of ideas to help Laura, and she gently guided me through this new experience.
There's no reason you can't have a successful natural childbirth without these "tricks," but they certainly helped us. If it seems too overwhelming and you decide to use drugs, it's alright: In the end you still get to hold the most amazing gift in the world.
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