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Home Alone
Preventing War Between Siblings
By Kendeyl Johansen
While at work, Vasquez received the phone calls all mothers dread: "Mom, Jeremy hit me! Do something about it!" After determining that her kids weren't seriously hurting each other, Vasquez addressed the issue later at home. "We talked about what happened to get to the bottom of it. Then, I told them that if they didn't feel old enough to handle these problems, then I'd better hire a sitter to take care of them and they said, 'No!'"
After discussing a problem, Pawel recommends setting limits or expressing concerns. If a problem involves Pawel's safety, health, appropriateness, rights, property, rules or values – what Pawel calls SHARP RV concerns – parents need to address the problem and decide how to fix or prevent it. Find out what the child gained by breaking the rule and brainstorm a more appropriate way to meet the need in the future.
Finally, parents need to decide on an appropriate discipline. "The goal of discipline is to help children learn from their mistakes, not just impose suffering or inconvenience on them for the mistake," Pawel says.
A parent may feel fearful or untrusting after a problem occurs. Pawel suggests having the child be totally supervised for one day to one week, then gradually leaving the child for increasingly longer time periods to rebuild trust.