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You're Not My Father!
Helping Teens Adjust to New Stepfamilies By Gwen Morrison
Bartell suggests setting up regular family meetings in order to provide a forum for all members of the group to voice their feelings and concerns good and bad. A teen who recognizes that his feelings are being valued will make greater efforts to make the new family dynamics work. "Teens who feel respected are always more likely to treat their parents with reciprocal respect," says Bartell.
Sabrina Glidden of Eaton, Ind., became the stepmother to a 14-year-old boy more than three years ago. "He was shy at first, and the more I offered to play with him, the more he'd warm up to me," she says. "Then on his way home to his mother's house, he'd act kind of indifferent not looking at me or directing everything he said to his dad. It seemed like an indication that he was feeling guilt over having a friendship with me."
Glidden's advice to parents is to give their child space, but to remember that they are usually more open than we think. "Small acts of kindness, such as keeping their favorite cookies on hand or having their photos displayed in your home and wallet, go a long way. As teens, they want to be individuals, and they welcome eye-to-eye relationships. Leave the authority to the parents of the teen; you be the friend."
If you cultivate patience, concentrate on the positive and keep your sense of humor, the transition will go much more smoothly for everyone.