Commit to one romantic act a day. Yes, love is an emotion, but it's also an action. Regularly ask yourself, "What am I doing to keep love alive?" Then commit to doing something every day that will make your partner feel good. Say "thank you" a lot, send a loving e-mail, buy flowers, light some candles at dinner, plan a surprise weekend. Action is a way of keeping us conscious of how blessed we are to have our partners in our lives. It may take time to push through any resistance that you feel, but keep pushing. Eventually you will get yourself on the side of love.
There are times to "lie" lovingly. You sit down to dinner together and you want to complain about the fact that your mate was late coming home from work. Knowing that he or she is in the middle of a lot of pressure at work at the moment, it would be irrational and punishing to say, "It really makes me angry that you came home late today." Instead, with clenched teeth, if need be, let what comes from your mouth be loving, even if you are not feeling loving. Say something like, "I'm so happy when we are together. I love you." You will most likely get a loving response back. And the miracle of such an approach is that your own tension will melt and you will feel the beauty of the moment instead of being the one to destroy it.
Stop gender bashing. You've probably been guilty of telling (or at least laughing at) jokes about members of the opposite sex – even whn your mate is in the room. Don't. What seems like "harmless" joking may actually be working against your efforts to move out of the realm of selfish love and into the realm of real love. When you participate in the bashing of members of the opposite sex, you are behaving in a hurtful and unloving way. Remember, if you don't love, respect and admire the opposite sex, you won't, by definition, love, respect and admire your mate.