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Home › Articles › Relationships › Miles Between Us

Miles Between Us

Long Distance Dads

By Carma Haley Shoemaker

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Miles of Smiles
Reeves shares that one of them most important aspects of maintaining a close relationship depends upon the "what" and "how" of your time at home. "Emphasize one-to-one time when you are home," says Reeves. "After returning home from a business trip, it's natural that the traveling parent wants to spend time with all the kids. A better idea is to devote some focused one-to-one time with individual children. It is important to understand that children need to make a direct one-to-one connection with a parent. This need not be a grand adventure, but as simple as a father-daughter trip to the shoe store, a 30-minute walk along the beach, a trip to the library, a shared ice cream cone, a walk down the mall, or playing a two-person game in which neither sibling rivalry nor adult distractions are permitted to intervene."

Don't Add to the Distance
Miles Between Us-Long Distance Dads Gypsies are people who travel from town to town their entire lives, never staying in one place too long. Gypsies would often create tales and myths, spreading them from one place to another. There are "gypsy" myths related to the long-distance Dad as well. The most popular myth -- making up for your absence.

"The most common mistake traveling parents make is the attempt to compensate for absences," says Reeves. "To prove to kids, and let's face it -- to prove to ourselves -- that we are 'super dads,' we transform an otherwise leisurely weekend into a marathon of activities. This takes a nasty turn when the activities have much more to do with adult enjoyment than engagement between parent and child. Some better ideas: Be fully present at the Saturday morning soccer game -- encouraging and focusing on your child, not exchanging road warrior stories with the other [traveling] parents. If a trip has been promised, then it's a promise. However, it should be initiated by the parent, not the result of whining and nagging by the child taking advantage of a parent feeling guilty."


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