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When Santa's Suddenly Single
By Rebecca Valentine
The stress of the holiday season is tough: juggling busy schedules, visiting family and friends, shopping, decorating and entertaining. And if you suddenly find yourself facing it alone -- because of death, divorce or separation -- the season of giving can become the season of grieving.
"My wife left in September. That first holiday, I was emotionally numb," says Steve Klein* of Fort Collins, Colo. "I did spend time with my boys on Christmas, which was helpful." His sons, then ages 5 and 1 1/2, questioned their father about that first Christmas alone. "I found that simple, honest answers to their questions were what they needed most from me," Klein says.
But don't buy into the myth that grief lasts for only a year, warns Diane Schott, a family counselor in Greeley, Colo. "One of the great myths about grief is that it's supposed to be over in about a year. For most of us, we only begin to really feel our grief after the first year because most of the first year is spent in different forms of shock and denial over the loss, especially of a spouse."
If you are a widower and this is your first Christmas without your wife, you can find ways to honor her memory, Huxley says. Listen to her favorite song, prepare her favorite meal, or participate in an activity the two of you used to share. It can be as simple as caroling or going on a sleigh ride.