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Solo Santa
The Single Dad's Guide to Surviving the Holidays By Teri Brown
The holidays can be a joyous time of family togetherness. A time when you think of others before yourself, reach out to family members you haven't spoken to in a while and, most important, give your children memories to last a lifetime. But the holidayscan also be a time for feelings of inadequacy and depression, especially for single dads of young children.
Jerome Davis, a single father of one, from Portland, Ore., remembers how tough the holidays were after he and his wife separated. "It was hard being away from her on the holidays and yet, it was almost as difficult when I had her," he says. "When she was gone, I'd miss her and when she was here, it was tough trying to figure out something to do that would be memorable and special for her."
Dr. Carol Steltenkamp, a pediatrician at the University of Kentucky and the Kentucky Children's Hospital, believes it's important that fathers be proactive about their feelings of loneliness and depression during the holidays. "Those negative feelings have the opportunity to affect all other aspects of his life," she says.
If single fathers can recognize that the holidays hide risks for feeling lonely, they can plan activities to ensure they are involved with something to prevent being lonely. Single fathers will always miss their children when they don't have them over a special holiday, but their absence should not cause them to distance themselves from what is going on around them.
Dr. Robert Billingham, associate professor of human development and family studies at Indiana University, says it is important for fathers to accept the reality they are dealing with and adjust accordingly.