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Encouraging Individuality

Why You Each Need Time Alone with Baby

By Gina Roberts-Grey

As you all take a drive, do errands or spend an afternoon visiting a relative together, you build your relationships with him; however you're also creating an environment where he is not certain who each of his parents are as individuals. "Because the parent a child spends the majority of time with is also present on family tips to the store, he doesn't build the one-on-one connection with his other parent," Shukar says.

When your baby doesn't have the opportunity to share experiences with each of his parents as individuals, he begins to see the two of you as one unit. The perception of his parents as a unit is a strong tool when instilling morals and values or supporting each other's parental decisions. However, it also is important for him to understand that each of you are unique individuals, too.

A child needs to know that both of his parents are capable and willing to participate in feedings, diaper changes and reading bedtime stories so that when he's an adolescent, he'll have the automatic instinct to know he can turn to either of you for advice and support," says Shukar.

Children as young as 4 months old have an awareness of their surroundings. They begin to recognize familiar habits and routines. You want your baby to possess an understanding of individuality as he develops his sense of family and builds lifelong relationships with both of you.

Begin encouraging his sense of individuality by demonstrating that each of his parents ar not only one half of a united front, but individuals with unique gifts and personal traits to help shape him. Expose him to situations and experiences he might not encounter with both of you. Take him to your favorite museum, quiet place to take a walk or to your favorite restaurant. Introduce him to your personal interests, goals and traits and to those shared with your co-parent.

Want to see more?

• Mommy and Me: One-on-one Time Between Children and Their Parents
• It Takes Two to Toddle: The Benefits of Father-Toddler Alone Time
• Insisting on Solitude: Making Time for YOU
• Talk about it!

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