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Boys Will Be Boys

War Games and Your Son

By Sue Marquette Poremba

When the United States entered into war with Iraq, our home was like many others across the nation. We were tuned into the 24-hour news stations. We worried about family and friends who were being sent into battle. My son was engrossed. "It's like a real life video game, Mom," he said as he gave us sportscaster-type commentary about what he'd do if he were General Tommy Franks.

Military-based video games were a compromise, though I would have been happy if he had stayed with the sports games I bought him. But I knew most of my son's friends were getting violent video games. He's a Civil War buff, so when I saw a game based on the battle of Gettysburg, I bought it. He loved it. In fact, that's when I learned that military-based video games are the games of choice among his friends. It's the topic of lunchroom conversations and the main entertainment at sleepover parties.

While parenting experts warned us to limit the amount of war coverage our children were exposed to, the experts didn't seem to factor in the wealth of knowledge these kids already had. Minimizing the amount of exposure is futile. These kids get as much information from each other as they do from any media source.

After hundreds of hours of animated war games, children in the age of video games had a chance to play "virtual general" for a real war. They were entranced by the idea of war, and I found that I had joined a growing number of mothers who worried that their children had become desensitized to the violence of war and its consequences.

According to Garth Gillan, a certified licensed professional counselor who specializes in family counseling, parents need to pay attention to how their children react to the stories of war. Gillan says parents need to ask themselves a crucial question: Is your son disconnected from what he sees or hears on the news? "Sit down and watch the news with your son," he says. "Watch him watch the news. Listen for his reactions. If he is showing compassion or empathy for the victims, he has a healthy attitude." However, Gillan adds, if he seems disconnected from the horrors, the military video games may need to be packed away.

Want to see more?

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• Talk about it!

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