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Toddling Toward Independence

What Dads Need to Know
as Their Children Grow

By Mark Stackpole

to learn how to manage your anger and frustration," he says. "With a 26-month-old baby, you have to take a breath and move on. You have to remember that what you do is far more important than what you say, so it's critical to demonstrate your best behavior, best language, best politeness, best manners and so on. Some guys will swear like a sailor, then get angry at their kids for saying the same things."

As children grow, the challenges change. One of the more pervasive changes has occurred in Taylor's relationship with his wife. "The woman I married is now being pulled by lots of little hands, day after day, year after year," he says. "There's not much time or energy left for our relationship. It's far, far different from when we were dating or first married."

Despite the changes and challenges, it has all been worth it for Taylor. "Oh man, it's fabulous to be a dad," he says. "There's nothing – nothing – in the world like having a child look adoringly at you with those 'you-are-my-hero-and-can-do-no-wrong' eyes. To have them run up and scream, 'Daddy! Daddy!' when you've only been gone a few hours. To know that you're there for them, their defender, their playmate, their willing co-conspirator, and yet still their father. It's good stuff. It expands the heart and makes men far, far better people."

"Dads should be really excited about the new world of toddlers," says Susan Kuczmarski, author of The Family Bond: Inspiring Tips for Creating a Closer Family (McGraw-Hill, 2000). "As a general rule, the family culture should encourage openness and change, so unlock the door. As ever-changing as the ocean should be our ever-flowing relationships with our children. All relationships build new forms; each tide can bring new discoveries."

There are many ways that a dad can let his children know that he values them and enjoys his time with them. "Establish 'Dad Play Days' when just Dad takes the children on an outing," says Kuczmarski. "Have one-on-one days where one child gets all the attention and chooses the agenda. Dads should also try to take some time each day to play and connect with each of his children. Whether it's talking about his dinosaurs or her stuffed animal collection, follow their lead. Do whatever it takes to share and connect."

Want to see more?

• In a Toddler's World ... 10 Things Toddlers Know and Adults Don't
• Up, Up and Away! Dealing With Climbing Toddlers
• Oh, Those Toddlers! 3 Big Reasons to Celebrate Your Little One
• Talk about it!

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