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Spousal Support

What Moms-to-Be Want from Their Partners

By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW

Learning you're expecting a baby and spending several months being pregnant introduces you to a new series of hopes, expectations and questions. From wanting your baby to be healthy to wanting to see your toes again, moms-to-be have a specific sets of desires. Many women experience frustration or aggravation because their partners do not demonstrate a true understanding for what moms-to-be want and need during pregnancy.

Although you may have identified what you need to make your pregnancy a comfortable and memorable time in your life, does your partner know what you need? Do you know how to convey your needs to your husband, or do you shield him from what is really on your mind?

From choosing a color for the nursery to packing a bag for the delivery room, it is essential to set realistic expectations of your partner. Many parents-to-be focus so much attention on preparing for their baby, and they forget to communicate their needs to their spouse or partner. By establishing and expressing your needs, concerns and hopes for how much emotional and physical support you require, you'll both be able to enjoy your pregnancy.

When Carol O'Malley of Cambridge, Ontario, Canada, a mother of a 1-year-old and 3-year-old, was expecting her first child, she was working full time and running her household while her husband traveled extensively for his job. "I was always so exhausted by the end of the day, I couldn't bear doing housework or running errands," O'Malley says. "Every weekend I hoped my husband would come home and know I needed him to pick up the slack."

After spending her first trimester wishing for some support around the house, O'Malley took matters into her own hands and hired a cleaning service and lawn maintenance company to accomplish some weekly tasks around the house. "Ironically, my husband completely supported my decision, he just didn't know I wanted some relief," she says.

Many women like O'Malley harbor hopeful feelings that their partners will automatically know what they want or need during their pregnancies.

Whether you're craving a certain food for dinner, unable to feed the dog because the food sparks a wave of nausea or needing a foot massage to soothe your aching arches, let your partner into your thoughts and feelings. After realizing your partner doesn't possess the ability to read your mind or predict your thoughts, taking the time to communicate what you need can alleviate a tremendous amount of stress and frustration. Your partner will appreciate your demonstration of respect and trust. He'll also be relieved to not need to hone his mind-reading powers!

Want to see more?

• Easing Expectant Fears
• Dad's New Role: Should a Worried Father-to-Be Share His Concerns?
• Subscribe to Family Energy magazine
• Talk about it!

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