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Guilt and the Stay-at-Home Dad
Lessons on Letting Go and Accepting the Now
By Michael Sheridan
"Guilt can sit there and create problems if couples don't talk about it," Dr. Meyer says. "Once [couples] open up about what they are feeling, they can talk about why they feel the way that they do. Otherwise it can turn into depression and damage the relationship."
It may also require husbands and wives to re-evaluate what they believe their roles as parents should be, and what they really are. "Is there value in being a parent?" Dr. Meyer says. "If so, then why should a father who stays home to take care of his child feel ashamed, or that he isn't doing what's best for his son or daughter? And for the mother who works full time, isn't she, too, doing her part to make sure her child has all that he or she needs?"
Developing a better understanding of your own childhood and your preconceived notions of parenthood can also help address the issues that lead to guilt. "It can be helpful to really look at what your parents taught you, and even what your grandparents taught them," Dr. Meyer says. "Take the good from that, but don't let yourself feel chained to it. You need to define what's important to your life and what you want for your family."