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From Partners to Parents
Tips for a Smooth Transition
By Jacqueline Rupp
Dr. Pamela Jordan, founder and president of the Becoming Parents Program Inc., a comprehensive educational program designed to teach relationship and parenting skills to couples, advises parents-to-be to have concrete discussions about perceptions of the future. "Talk with your partner about your expectations of how life will be as a family and who will do what ... change diapers, get up with the baby at night, provide the financial support for the family, be primary caregiver for the baby, shop, cook, clean, take out the garbage, pay the bills, take care of the car, take care of the yard, etc," she says. "We all have a 'future biography' in our heads, and with any two people these two biographies are rarely in line." Blending these two futures together is something that doesn't happen just by chance.
Communication and compromise are your best tools for a satisfying family future. "Expect that you and your partner will do things differently with the baby," says Dr. Jordan. "That doesn't mean that you are right and your partner is wrong. It means there are many ways to do things. When you do things differently, your baby benefits."
Now the baby has arrived and all those expectations, dreams and worries are gone, and the reality of parenting will set in. It is OK to feel a bit overwhelmed in the beginning. "Recognize that this will be a challenge," says Kuhlman. "Women's marital satisfaction drops after children are born. This is normal and should be acknowledged. The challenge is to allow the normal process of mother-child bonding and the maternal preoccupation that it entails while aintaining the marital bond."
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