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Dads Flying Solo

How to Come through When Mom Goes Away

By I.J. Schecter

"You probably have just as many parenting instincts as your partner," says Cooke. "Talking honestly with other dads will show you that feeling scared or inadequate is not unique or strange." Put yourself in the place of a rookie trying to obtain as much knowledge as possible from the veterans around him. Canvass your friends and ask them what to expect during dad duty. Ask what they find the biggest challenges, what they do for fun, where they go when their kids get restless. Ask every question you can think of.

 

We've all drifted off to sleep before the big game by imagining ourselves hitting two free throws with no time left on the clock or belting a grand-slam with two out in the bottom of the ninth. Sports psychologists have shown that focused visualization can positively affect actual performance – and nowhere is this more accurate than on the playing field you call your home. In preparing for your role, don't just tell yourself, "Kids are tough, but I'll handle things." Instead, think precisely about the kinds of things you'll have to deal with so you won't be stunned into inaction when they occur.

Telling yourself, for example, that "babies can be difficult" doesn't cut it. Immerse yourself: Picture the baby howling in your arms in the middle of the night despite all your efforts to soothe it. Or, as author Peter Downey puts it in So You're Going to Be a Dad

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