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And Baby Makes Four
Staying Connected with Your Wife and Children After the New Baby Arrives
By Dr. Susan Bartell
know. Indeed you will only start to feel better if she does know, and she can begin to make changes in the family routines. It is, therefore, up to you to tell her. Remember, your feelings are valid, important and not at all unusual.
- If your wife is breastfeeding, ask her to pump one bottle of milk a day for you to feed the baby. If you offer to take over a late-night feeding, your wife may be even happier to accommodate you! Assist her in finding time to pump by taking both children for about 20 minutes in the early morning or in the evening. Also, remember, a breast pump is not something to "buy cheap." Rather, rent or buy a powerful pump to allow your wife to express a bottle quickly and efficiently, thereby making it a less stressful and time-consuming experience.
- Formula-fed babies make it even easier for dad to feed. If you've chosen formula, you can offer to give the baby an early morning and a late-evening bottle. On the weekends, you can jump into feedings even more frequently.
- Don't shy away from diaper changing. This is often the job that parents don't want to do if they can help it. But you will find that you get the best smiles, tummy kisses and toe nibbles during diaper changing. So saying yes to the "dirty work" may actually be the best bonding time of all.
- Ask your wife to carve out one-to-one time for your older child, so you can have time alone with the baby. This doesn't have to be more than 20 or 30 minutes a day. The benefits to this are twofold. You will get to bond with your baby, but just as important, your wife will have time alone with your older child. Since the majority of older children feel at least somewhat insecure about Mom's time with the baby, both children will benefit from the efforts you and your wife make to work out the logistics of this "special time."