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Home › Articles › Relationships › And Baby Makes Four

And Baby Makes Four

Staying Connected with Your Wife and Children After the New Baby Arrives

By Dr. Susan Bartell

Pages:  1  2  3  4  

Making it even tougher for Don to find time with Matthew was that Margaret encouraged him to spend as much time as possible with Kate. After all, following a nonstop, exhausting day with two young children, it is understandable that Margaret found a tired and cranky 2 1/2-year-old much more difficult to manage than an infant. Thus, Kate's bath, dinner and bedtime routines became Don's domain. He loved the time with his older daughter, but nevertheless, Don couldn't help feeling sad when he realized that he didn't know his new baby very well.

As was the case with Don, it is not unusual for a father to find himself confused, angry and even jealous of his wife's bond with the second baby, while he is feeling somewhat deprived of an intimate relationship with his new child. Many fathers also feel "put upon," because after a full workday, they still come home to the demanding work of having to care for an older child.

But fathers should feel reassured. Bonding with a second child is not a mysterious, magical event. However, since life is more complex with two children than with one, it will probably take extra effort for Dad to feel as close with his second baby as he did with his first. Just as children grow, so family routines must constantly grow and change to accommodate the needs of all members, including Dad!

Speaking Up
It is important for fathers to speak up about what they are feeling and about what they need. Below are some tips that will help you feel more connected to and involved with your new baby while still being there for your wife and older child.