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And Baby Makes Four
Staying Connected with Your Wife and Children After the New Baby Arrives
By Dr. Susan Bartell
When Don* became a father for the first time, he couldn't get enough of his little miracle, Kate. He bathed her, fed her a bottle of pumped breast milk each night, changed her diapers and snapped her into tiny, pink outfits. He knew how to make her smile and how to stop her crying. And as Kate grew, it was clear that she adored her Daddy.
When Kate was 2 1/2 years old, Don's wife, Margaret, gave birth to a delightful baby boy. Don was ready to do it all again – he couldn't wait to bond with his new baby and also to pitch in and do his share the way he had with Kate. But like most fathers, Don was not prepared for how different his experience would be the second time around. For one thing, Margaret, managing two children all day, struggled to find time to pump breast milk for a bottle. Instead she nursed through the evening, leaving Don feeling deprived of the opportunity to nurture Mathew in this unique way.
But what about the other bonding experiences – diaper changing, dressing, comforting and calming – that Don had shared with Kate? He was distressed to find it very difficult to re-create these special times with Matthew. Like many fathers, Don hadn't thought about how much things change when a second child arrives.