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Mom-to-be and Dad-to-be On the Same Page

5 Tips to Help You and Your Partner Enjoy Pregnancy

By I.J. Schecter

What she's thinking: "I think he actually gets a fraction of what it means to be pregnant, which is a fraction more than most men. Wow!"

It's a trapping of maleness that we immediately try to solve or rationalize problems. Instead, offer hugs and words of understanding when your partner comes to you with one of the myriad things that may be troubling her. Sometimes she just needs you to listen, no matter how many solutions are forming inside your head. Remember that expressing understanding isn't the same as comparing one of your own experiences to hers. Your partner needs to believe two things: first, that you truly sympathize with her condition, and second, that you don't seriously believe you can relate to it.

Why it's important: A little compassion goes a long way – no matter how that compassion is expressed, whether it's a massage or a tennis bracelet. "Moms nearing the end of their pregnancies certainly appreciate a nightly foot or back rub to relieve the aches and pains," says Adam Kauffman, father to 1-year-old Alex and another on the way. "It also can give them something to look forward to at the end of the day."

For example, place a glass of water at her bedside, start to rub her feet and say, "Not like I've ever gone through anything like what you are, but I just want to tell you that I'm blown away. The only thing I do know is that I couldn't do it."

What you're thinking: "I'd probably cruise through the nine months without complaining once. Although I suppose it can get rough at times."

What she's thinking: "No kidding you couldn't do it. But it's sweet that you realize it and it somehow makes me want to get through it even more."

Want to see more?

• No "Ifs," "Ands" or "Buts": Overcoming Disagreements during Pregnancy
• The Involved Dad: 5 Commandments for Today's Family Man
• Daddy Baby Blues? Understanding How Postpartum Depression Affects New Dads
• Talk about it!

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