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All Ears

5 Tips for Being a Better Listener

By I.J. Schecter

For example: You're discussing bumper colors for your son's crib. She wants baby blue and yellow; you want the sports-themed one. Ask yourself why you're being so adamant. Is it that you really feel so strongly about this, or do you just want to win? Maybe she wants baby blue and yellow because those were her bumper colors as a baby and she wants to feel connected. Step out of your shoes and into hers – you'll both be a lot better off for it.

Understand that while you're in awe looking at her belly, she's the one actually feeling a person in there. That means when you're in the second hour of the baby name discussion, you owe it to her to remain present physically and mentally. Know how responsible she already feels for this creature. Realize how emotionally invested she's already become. You'll get there, too; she's just a few months ahead.

For example: She's complaining about the 25 pounds she's gained and claiming she cannot gain any more. Your instinctive reaction is to wonder how she can think of subordinating the baby's health to her own appearance. Listen more closely. All she wants is to know you understand how she's feeling. Try saying, "You know, I have to admit that, if I had to gain all that weight, some days I would just be really ticked off, baby or no baby." A little empathy goes a long way.

"As men, even when we do commit to listening well, we often use whatever we can to persist with our side of the agument," says Canadian dad Stephen Goldsmith. In other words, always try to listen to all the points your partner is making rather than dissecting a specific statement and jumping all over it.

Want to see more?

• The Real ABC's: Teach Your Kids Listening Skills
• Men at Work: Doing Your Part to Repair a Rocky Relationship
• Boost Your Relationship IQ: Cherish Your Loved Ones
• Talk about it!

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