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Making Change Work
Husbands and Wives in Stay-At-Home-Dad Families
By Michael Polinski
Some wives of stay-at-home dads express feelings of caregiver envy over the time their husbands get to spend with their children. "I'm sure she would have liked to have stayed home," Alex says of his wife, Rachel. And Luz wrestles with "learning to accept the fact that I miss the special moments with the children and it is my husband who gets them."
Overall, though, these couples believe that having dad stay home with the kids has been good for them and their families. Alex says, "It's been a good match for what our family situation was." Regis says, "Our marriage relationship is definitely better now."
In the end, Dr. Frank says families with stay-at-home dads show us "people whose main concern is for their children and who are willing to sacrifice to make sure their children and families are OK." With a shared goal guiding them, husbands and wives in stay-at-home-dad families adjust their lives and grow as moms and dads in ways they never imagined. Along the way, they often end up strengthening and deepening their marital relationship as well.
"We try to have flexibility and work as a team," Feldman says. "We know our roles will continually change throughout our lifespans, and the more flexible we are, the better our relationship will work out."
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