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Making Change Work
Husbands and Wives in Stay-At-Home-Dad Families
By Michael Polinski
To make things fall into place, both husbands and wives in stay-at-home-dad families demonstrate willingness to sacrifice and change. The first sacrifice: Dad often ends up at home not because he wants to stay home more than his wife but because his wife makes more money.
With Dad at home, the couple must adjust to the new non-traditional gender-role responsibilities. Dr. Drobeck says this causes great stress and strain on these couples because the "role challenges and changes for both are going against the norm and against what they know." But this also provides an opportunity for growth.
Both husband and wife grow by creating new male and female caregiver roles. Rather than abandoning or reversing their traditional male and female roles, they expand and redefine them to include their new responsibilities. Dr. Frank found, contrary to the popular stereotypes of Mr. Moms and role reversals, that stay-at-home dads add greater nurturing to their view of fatherhood while their wives add financial support of their families to their concept of motherhood.
The new roles, however, don't occur instantly or naturally, but gradually develop through periods of uncertainty. And they certainly don't come with clear expectations. "At first, it's tough," says Alex Rubinstein, a stay-at-home dad for four years from Evanston, Ill. "You're home all day and your wife comes home and wonders why you didn't do this and that."
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