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Redirecting Aggression
Be Productive, Not Destructive By Heather V. Long
Aggression in our children may not seem like a serious problem, at first, depending on how aggressive a child is. Some parents feel that squabbling and push/shove matches are normal as children try to assert themselves and their identities. But when does aggressive behavior become a problem? When also is it important to redirect that aggression?
"Aggressive behavior involves physical or verbal assault on another person in a way that harms them or otherwise puts them in a condition of threat," says Maurice J. Elias, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J., and author of Raising Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers: Guiding the Way for Compassionate, Committed, Courageous Adults (Three Rivers Press, 2002) and Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child (Three Rivers Press, 2000).
Sometimes it might be difficult to identify whether the child is being aggressive simply to be aggressive or their reactions are being "triggered" by other events. In Emotionally Intelligent Parenting, Elias provides parents with a "Trouble Tracker" so they can keep track of the situations that lead their children toward aggressive behavior.
"It's a matter of looking for patterns," says Elias. "[With the Trouble Tracker] parents can see the patterns more clearly and develop strategies to help their children handle the situation more effectively. The Trouble Tracker also helps parents see when their own reactions to their children are unproductive and need to be changed. Often, parents learn that there are certain situations that their kids need to avoid or learn early warning signs that can help children take action before they get set off."
The Trouble Tracker in a simple form will also help children understand the situations that set off their anger, and this in turn may help them to develop strategies for coping. Keeping a chart, log or diary