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The Teen Behind the Mean
Cracking the Shell of Today's Tough Teens By Gina Roberts-Grey
characteristics, we don't always understand exactly what we're working against. "Teens who usually seem angry, tough or mean are often feeling very insecure, scared or alone," says family therapist Melanie Parrish, LCSW, of East Aurora, N.Y. Intimidating teens may themselves actually feel intimidated or insignificant at home or with their peers. "The old adage that things roll downhill really comes into play here," says Parrish. "A teen who is pushed around by an older sibling or school bully often strikes back by demonstrating his strength against someone he hopes to feel superior over." Tough teens may be rebelling against typical household expectations or be silently struggling in school.
A teen who stands alone at a bus stop or intentionally demonstrates inappropriate behavior in front of peers and strangers ironically is usually looking for attention. Parrish educates her clients that these teens may feel overlooked, misunderstood or unappreciated.
One natural inclination is to label tough teens as coming from single-parent families, families where both parents work long hours outside of the home or from lower-income-level areas. "It is importnt to understand that these children come from diverse backgrounds and economic situations," Parrish says. "They are good students and have intact families."