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Going the Full Nine
How to be a Model Dad-to-be
By I.J. Schecter
Like a pitcher throwing a complete game, the man who tends to his partner effectively throughout pregnancy does not accomplish the feat by chance. It results from a combination of knowledge, skill, anticipation and resilience. Here are some tips to help you make her feel cared for from the first hint of morning sickness to the last moments of labor.
You're mentally and physically prepared. You already have the equipment. You're trying to get the game started.
Your role:
Let your partner see that you're interested in the overall process rather than just the result. Read books together on her physiological cycles and other helpful information. If things don't happen immediately, at least you won't feel in the dark.
It's taking a while for the game to start, and frustration is looming. She might be feeling that her body is letting her down, a feeling exacerbated by others having babies seemingly at will.
Your role:
Be patient, supportive and exceedingly sensitive to her emotions. Even though you're confident your boys are simply swimming out of their lanes for the moment, her worries probably run deeper. Since stress can serve to further compound things, it's up to you to provide constant encouragement and compassion. If she starts weeping after hearing an acquaintance from high school is pregnant, reassure her that it's going to happen. Remind her that it takes, on average, six months to get the game going, and a year is not uncommon.
(Techniques for getting the game going are indefinite. Some experts recommend an attempt every day; some, every other day; some, two out of every three days on alternate weeks plus four times on Sundays; and so on. The truth is no one really knows what works besides good old-fashioned persistence.)
To your utter delight, a little blue line has informed you the game has begun. For now your jubilation remains private, until you're sure the game is official. You're simultaneously elated and anxious.