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Married with Children
Keeping Your Relationship Healthy
By Kim Seidel
The reality is after a man and woman each promise "I do," their unique journey as a married couple begins without an instruction manual. And if and when children come into the family's picture, the marriage partnership no doubt becomes even more interesting and complicated.
As my husband and I mark each wedding anniversary, I feel a sense of accomplishment that we've shared another year together. Each challenge we face together and every argument we have – or avoid – brings us closer together. Experience is a good teacher.
Learning from other married couples – in or out of your circle of family or friends – also can provide plenty of great information and inspiration. Beth Burgos of La Crosse, Wis., and her husband Patrick have been married nearly 30 years. They have three sons, two in their 20s and a teen. Burgos believes it's vital to keep in mind every day why you married your partner.
"This is the most important; this is your deep story," Burgos says. "Remember that you would have done anything in your early days to be together. You'd have moved heaven and earth, if that's what it took. So on the days that the kids are throwing up, the mortgage payment is late and the dog ran away – sometimes that's what being together looks like. When I think about how lucky I am to be living day-to-day with the love of my life, well, then the messiness of ordinary life seems bearable, even precious."
Remembering why you married also will remind you to treat your partner well – he or she is the love of your life, not your maid or auto mechanic. "This is the essential frame of reference for all behaviors going forward," Burgos says. "If you treat him with respect, he'll respond with respect. You do things for him to make his day easier; he'll respond and do things for you to make your day easier."
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