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The Four Corners of Love-Based Parenting

How to Develop a More Trusting and Honest Relationship

Take time each day to see your teen as a totally amazing and precious human being. Accept and appreciate the beauty of what is, even when it is not always pretty. Treat your child as if this were your last day on earth.

Respect yourself and your child. Provide appropriate boundaries and limits, and allow for natural and logical consequences. Set your child up for success not failure. Plan ahead for success. While maintaining your role as the parent, treat your teen the way you want to be treated. Be honest, rational and proactive. Do what is best for your child. All of your parenting should seek to build self-esteem. Don't be judgmental.

Let go! Have faith in positive outcomes. Allow teens to take safe risks and make their own mistakes. Don't over-involve yourself in your teen's life. Although you raised your teen, your teen is not yours. Teens have their own paths to follow.

Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. Meditate. Be a role model for your child. Learn to love yourself – warts and all. When you feel a strong emotional reaction to your child, manage your emotional response and look for the lesson in the situation. Improve your own shortcomings rather than insisting your child change. Do not look to satisfy your own needs from your child. Maintain awareness of the goals or intentions of your actions (for example, is it to teach the child responsibility or win a power struggle?). Get help if you need it.

Although the four corners of love-based parenting may not solve all your dilemmas, Dr. Kaplan's approach will foster mutual respect between you and your teen. Keeping these concepts in mind – especially during a crisis – will help you see difficult situations as opportunities for growth. By focusing on the positive rather than the negative, you will better yourself and create a more loving environment for your teenage children.

Abby Lederman, Dr. Kaplan's co-author, has experienced firsthand success using love-based parenting strategies. "My daughter was opinionated, sneaky, disrespectful and oppositional – not to mention highly emotional. Then I met Dr. Jeff Kaplan and started to work his principles of love-based parenting into my life. Within weeks I was headed in a new direction as a parent, and Annie grew into the beautiful, compassionate and loving young adult she is today."

For more information on Finding the Path

Want to see more?

• Learning to Let Go
• Behavior Contracts
• Dealing With the Ingratitude Attitude
• Talk about it!