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Fathers and Sons
Embracing the Changes
By Teri Brown
Mothers vs. Fathers
"Many times the father is designated as the enforcer in the family and as a result gets labeled as the bad cop," says Lowenstein. "While it may be important to fathers to enforce consequences, it is also important for fathers to provide the nurturance and love in the family also. Depending on the age of the father and the child, the father's role is still important, and his skills, teaching and relationship are just as important as the role of the mother." The relationships that boys have with fathers tend to be different from the ones they have with their mothers. While mothers tend to be viewed as nurturing, fathers are seen as removed and, at times, non-supportive. "It is important for fathers to make sure that they stay involved with their children and give nurturing and supportive messages," says Lowenstein.
Mom as Mediator
Lowenstein says that unfortunately, mothers sometimes take on the referee role in families. This can further alienate the father from the family and makes it an "us against him" situation. "Mothers would be best if they include the information and needs of the teenager with the father so that the parents are involved in the process and not just the mother," says Lowenstein. "The most important thing that anyone can do in this situation is not interfere directly or behind the father's back. If a mother feels that the father has gone too far, then the parents and only the parents should discuss the issue between themselves and then decide how to deal with it together."