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Mediate ... Me? (Yes, You)

10 Ways to Help People Settle Their Differences

What if you've tried and tried to help two warring factions find a fair solution and you just can't? It may sound odd coming from a mediator, but Krivis points out that some conflicts just aren't winnable. "Not every negotiation is going to have a win-win outcome," he says. "Not everyone can live together in harmony. Look at Israel and Palestine. There are times you just have to accept that both parties are going to leave the table equally unhappy. When you've mediated enough conflicts, you will know in your gut when that time has arrived. Isolate the participants if possible and just move on."

Negotiation is all about going with the flow and seizing opportunities as they arise. You can familiarize yourself with the tools – indeed you must – but there's no substitute for jumping right in. Having these skills will help you to keep control of conflicts as they pop up in your stress-filled day-to-day life.

"Improvisational negotiation is kind of like jazz," Krivis says. "You have to know your chords, your scales, your patterns, your licks. But ultimately, these are building blocks, not formulas. The chords you use depend on the chords you hear from the other participants, and vice versa. It's a conversation. It's organic. There are no limits on what can come out of mediation, and that's what makes it such a powerful skill."