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Fighting the Good Fight
A New Dad Faces the Dawn of a New Era
By Mark Stackpole
For starters, fathers, you might be wondering how to clean baby puke off of your golf shirt. Well, let me break this to you gently. You don't. Get a new shirt. A cheap one. It's not like you are going to have the time to golf anyway. Maybe in a couple of years I will see you by the windmill at the Pitch and Putt with the kids. Until then, your new tee time is "never o'clock."
You may also be asking the question, "How does such a big smell come from something so small that only drinks milk?" Well, it just does. Accept it and move on. And if you have to change a diaper that weighs more than the baby herself, grab some goggles, gloves, a hose and some wipes. Go with God, my friend. And pray for the scent-deadening joy of a sinus infection.
On a related note, I have often wondered how far to pull those little diaper tabs before I am cutting off the circulation to the baby's lower extremities. As near as I have been able to tell, cute pink toes are good. Alarming purple ones, bad. You don't want that diaper coming loose and falling off, but better her diaper falls off than her left leg. Take some comfort in the fact that your wife will critique your efforts in this department, leading to your eventual humiliation, but ensuring the safety of the child.
The biggest assault that a new father's ego must withstand, however, is the simple fact that no one really wants to see him anymore. A typical greeting when you visit friends and relatves is something like, "Mom looks so great. The baby is so beautiful. And Dad – thanks for driving the car that brought them over so we could see them."
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