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The Monster in the Closet
A Father-to-be's Fears Go Bump in the Night
By Mark Stackpole
s that wake me up in the middle of the night now are not the shadowy shakes of a horned head or the scratches of monster feet.
No, as a guy whose daughter is due any day now, today's fears are more likely to be about whether or not my new health insurance will cover all of the same things that my old health insurance did. How much can I afford to contribute to her college savings? What if she doesn't do well at school? How will I ever let her bring boys home and let them take her right back out again? After all, I used to be a boy – and I remember.
Any bumps in the night these days are much more likely to be my very pregnant wife, Charlotte, making her way to the bathroom, or perhaps the dogs scrambling downstairs for a drink of water. In fact, the idea of a monster in my closet now seems downright quaint. There are few things that wake me up in the middle of the night anymore. But please don't ask me about the state of public education right before I go to sleep. And please don't mention that the paint on the crown molding doesn't seem to match the rest of the trim in the nursery. And certainly don't bring up the fact that I will be more than 50 years old when Corinne graduates from high school (assuming that both of us escape any myriad of catastrophes between now and then).
I go into her room every now and then, looking for any potential mishaps-in-waiting. Any screws loose (in her furniture as opposed to in my head)? Are all of the electrical outlets cov
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