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It Takes Two to Toddle
The Benefits of Father-Toddler Alone Time By Teri Brown
Never before in the history of the family have fathers been expected to take such a hands-on approach to childrearing. No longer permitted to put off involvement until the child is old enough to pitch a ball, fathers are now being called on to change diapers, make runs to the doctor's office and take a proactive role in nurturing their children.
The benefits for fathers of being actively involved with their toddlers are many. Bernie Dorsey, founder of the Conscious Fathering Programs and coordinator of the Washington State Fathering Coalition, believes this time is invaluable for both fathers and their children. "Time alone with their toddler gives dads a chance to really see their little personality emerging," says Dorsey. "Time together can build Dad's confidence in his ability to care for and nurture his child. It also provides an opportunity for Dad and Baby to build on that ever important bond and discover each others' personalities."
Dorsey says one of the most common reasons dads are hesitant to spend time with their toddlers is because they are afraid of not knowing what to do. "This is linked directly to confidence," he says. "Peel away the reasons for a father's hesitancy and it becomes more apparent that somewhere along the line he's been convinced that what naturally seems right for him and his toddler is not."
Dorsey also believes it's difficult to spend time alone with Baby if there is pressure to make the most of the time. "We dads are the play guys, the interactive parent, the let's see how hard we can make them laugh parent," he says. "Some would have us believe this has no value in a child's healthy development. On the contrary, what we are learning is that the father's interactions with Baby are irreplaceable parts of Baby's development and that it makes the fathers feel pretty good, too. If a dad feels useless around his toddler, the very first thing he needs to do is learn, independently, what it is he needs to feel comfortable."
