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Men at Work
Doing Your Part to Repair
a Rocky Relationship By Carma Haley Shoemaker
Once a man has established that his marriage is important and that he wants to put forth an effort to rekindle or repair the relationship, he must decide how he is going to start. According to Nachshin, starting with the simple things is a sure bet.
a Rocky Relationship
"There are many methods that work," says Nachshin. "And while many are simple, they are very effective. They include: scheduling a weekly 'date night,' taking turns as to who is to plan and organize each weekly event; taking walks or drives with no cell phones, pagers or other devices that can interfere with a good, old-fashioned talk; giving gifts: verbal (a compliment), helpful (giving the kids a bath) or material (a new blouse) ... let your wife know how important and cherished she is. These methods also serve to make her feel like a priority."
While there are many methods that do work, there is one that does not: lip service! "Don't just talk about it," says Nachshin. "There are many guys who say, 'You're a priority, honey,' or 'Yeah, I'm listening,' but their actions don't match their words. You can tell a lot about a man's value system by what he does, not what he says."
"If you feel unable to initiate a conversation about improving relationships with family members or those individuals are totally unreceptive, then it may be time to seek help," says Knowles. "There are many options available, from online support resources to marital weekend retreats. There is something that will fit in with what your needs are. Finding a place agency, counselor referral or Web site such as 'Equality In Marriage' that offers information, tips and sources is probably the best way to start."
Nachshin agrees that counseling is necessary whenever either partner feels the connection isn't there, the bond is crumbling or you're at a stalemate over major issues. However, having a counselor on "standby" may keep things from getting to the point where it is a do-or-divorce situation.
"I have often told those who are getting hitched a second time to consider that an occasional visit to a counselor is not a bad idea," says Nachshin. "Most couples need counseling at some point in their relationship. So then having an independent person (not one or the other's advocate, but a neutral one) who's in the wings when they're needed is almost as essential to them as a carpet shampoo device! My reasoning: There are always changes and circumstances that affect any intimate relationship. Having a trusted confidant that both parties can meet with to air their differences and work through their issues is one more way to strengthen the bonds." 
