Dads Today Divorce Series Part Three
Shared Parenting With Your Ex : Putting the Kids FirstBy Michele St. Martin
| According to Jeannie Piekos, these are the most common conflicts in shared parenting: - Disneyland Parenting: This happens when the non-custodial parent doesn't do the hard work of parenting. Because this parent spends less time with the child, he or she doesn't want that time to be consumed with parenting issues like discipline and homework. Piekos says that children are smart enough to figure out that this isn't real parenting. If the parents are able to discuss this issue, this is an option, as is waiting to see if things change over time (they often do).
- Different Rules in Different Parents' Homes: If there is no physical or emotional abuse or neglect involved, it is best not to worry about the house rules at the other parent's house. When confronted by a child decrying injustice because some rule is not that way at Mom's, your only response should be to reiterate the rules at your house and let your child know clearly what is negotiable and what is not.
- Blended Families Can Be a Challenge: It is important to have faith in the bond you share with your child and not feel threatened by relationships your child may have with your ex's new partner. If you act too defensive or curious about your ex-partner's new date, you may be sending your child a very different message than you intended. Healthy adult relationships are important to your child. A child may talk a lot about a new person in their other parent's life. It is best to keep your responses focused on your child. Saying such things as, "It sounds like you really like Dan," or "You seemed to have a lot of fun biking with your mom and Dan," will allow your child to see new relationships as non-threatening and healthy. Although this may be hard for you to do, again, it is in the best interest of your child
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