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Dads Today Divorce Series Part Three
Shared Parenting With Your Ex : Putting the Kids First By Michele St. Martin
Piekos couldn't agree more. "It is imperative to allow your child to continue to love without exception both parents," she says. "Not putting your children in the middle of your battles with your ex-spouse is critical. Communicating directly and effectively with the other parent will take the burden off your child and place responsibility with those who should have it: the parents."
Eric Korten and Sara Bickdorf figured this out early on. When they divorced, they agreed on a joint custody arrangement. While their daughter, Jenny, missed having both Mom and Dad there, she also told her parents that she was relieved to have peace from the constant conflict between the two of them. "The last year of our marriage was pretty much nonstop fighting," Eric says. "It seemed like anything would set us off. I was so absorbed in fighting with Sara that I never realized how unhappy Jenny was."
Sara, an elementary school teacher, says that having space and separate lives makes things easier. "For example, Eric is really messy," she says. "Well, I don't have to deal with that because I don't live with him. On the other hand, he's devoted to Jenny. And we are determined to both be in her life. We have agreed that no matter how hard it is, we won't criticize each other to Jenny. I have seen how it tears kids up when their parents try to get them to take sides. If Eric and I have an issue, we solve it between us, and not in front of Jenny. Jenny sees that we care about her enough to keep her out of our arguments. She witnessed enough of that when we were married!"
Piekos thinks that this kind of agreement is crucial to the children's well-being. "It is easy to get caught up in games and egos," she says. "It is difficult to make unilatral sacrifices. Just remember: the better you communicate and resolve issues with your ex-spouse, the better adjusted and happier your child will be."
Want to see more?
- Read the first two articles in the Dads Today Divorce Series: Part One -- The Weekend Daddy and Part Two -- Daddy's House: When Fathers Are Awarded Full Custody of Their Children
- Read the first two articles in the Dads Today Divorce Series: Part One -- The Weekend Daddy and Part Two -- Daddy's House: When Fathers Are Awarded Full Custody of Their Children
- Chat with other divorced dads on the Divorced Dads discussion board.
