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Dads Today Divorce Series Part One

The Weekend Daddy

By Carma Haley

It's important for a non-custodial father to set boundaries and rules for his "new" home just as he did before divorce. Having a regular routine including rules and restrictions allows children a constant level of stability whether with the mother or father. Pennsylvania State University researchers Paul Amato and Joan Gilbreth published a report based on their research on non-custodial fathers. In the report, Amato and Gilbreth wrote, "Children whose non-resident fathers listened to their problems, gave them advice, provided explanations for rules, monitored their academic performance, helped with their homework, engaged in mutual projects and disciplined them, were significantly more likely to do well at school and to evidence greater psychological health compared to children whose fathers mostly engaged them in recreational activities, such as going out to dinner, taking them on vacations and buying them things."

Accompanying many divorce proceeding and custody battles are some common mistakes parents may make. These include inquiring about the other parent's personal life ("pumping for information" about the other parent), being too strict with the visitation schedule, arguing about or in front of the children and comparing material objects and items between the parents.

According to Geoffrey Greif, author of The Daddy Track, these behaviors can burden the relationship of the children with both parents. "Parents that play children against the other parent are bilding a wall between themselves and their children," says Greif. "Children will begin to get uncomfortable with being questioned regarding their parents' actions and will begin to make excuses for not wanting to talk with their parents or be in their company."

Want to see more?

• Ask Brian Newman, founder of Dads and Divorce and member of theDadsToday expert panel, your questions about how divorce affects your kids.
• Read Part Three of our Dads and Divorce Series.
• Read Part Two of our Dads and Divorce Series.
• Chat with other divorced dads on the Divorced Dads discussion board.
• If your marriage is still hanging on, read Preconception.com's article Relationship Top 10s for advice on keeping your marriage together.