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Easing Tensions

Fathers Play a Major Role in Helping Stressed-out Moms-to-be

By Laura Paul

Some of the factors that cause stress during the actual labor include talking or worrying about money, family and other sore spots. "One of the interesting things you might find is that women, just like other animals, want to feel secure in giving birth and that their partner won't leave, that they and the baby will be taken care of," Lang says. "Animals will have a very hard time giving birth if they sense danger. They'll travel to find a place of safety, like cats giving birth in a closet or under the house."

She says doulas offer a calming presence to women in labor and give dads a break. "Moms can easily stress about Dad not eating, that he needs a shoulder massage or needs a quick catnap during a long labor," Lang says. "This stress can also slow labor."

Although it might sound too simple, one of the ways for expectant fathers to minimize stress in their partner's life is by showing an interest in the pregnancy. Laura Erickson, a certified professional midwife with Birthing Way Midwifery Service in Portland, Ore., says she often hears women complain that their husbands are carrying on like nothing has changed. Erickson has three children of her own.

Erickson says it is not unusual for couples who are having financial or marital difficulties or going through a death in the family to have a baby turn breech or be born prematurely. "I think mothers often give a lot of attention to the pregnancy because it's so huge in their lives, but it's sometimes easier for fathers to continue their lives just the way it has always been," she says. "A bit of advice would be for dads to slow down and just spend some time feeling their partner's belly and feeling the baby move underneath and rubbing oil on her belly. Lavender oil is nice for relaxation. Pause and touch base with her every day about what's happening with her and the baby. Be excited about and show interest in the baby."

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