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Dating After Divorce
By Carma Haley
John Hayes, father of three from Toledo, Ohio, intends to follow this advice should he start dating someone seriously. "I do have other women who are just friends that have come over and spent time with me even before my divorce," Hayes says. "It would be much easier for them, I think, to deal with a new person as a friend than to deal with a new person as my girlfriend."
Timing is as important as word choice to prevent feelings of confusion, fear or resentment. Try not to introduce every new date or person, but rather wait until the relationship deepens and appears to be growing serious.
Allowing your children to get acquainted with this new woman before sharing facts about your romantic relationship keeps them from feeling forced to accept her, Tessina says.
"Hopefully, the father is taking it very slow with a new woman friend and she and his children have met each other several times as friends," she says. "For example, she can join them for lunch, a movie, a barbecue in the backyard or a visit to a theme park or museum -- with no suggestion of romantic behavior between Dad and woman friend. In this way, the children get to know her as a person, raher than a threat."
