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Coach, Cheerleader or Spectator?

Dad's Role in the Delivery Room

By Joe Cooke

"Ruth went into labor in the wee hours of the morning, and we took off for the hospital and checked in," Meyer says. "As the contractions started to get more painful, I coached on the breathing techniques. Ruth started getting nauseous and she felt it was from the breathing. That was the end of that! All those months of learning this technique were out the window. My role was diminished to hand-holding and doing whatever I could to help, which didn't seem like much. I remember feeling helpless (although very confident in the medical team) to comfort my wife in a time of great pain."

Though Meyer's wife found her own way to focus during labor, she still appreciated his support. "She used the technique of focusing on a point in the room and she went very much 'inward' in dealing with her labor," says Meyer. "She treated me almost indifferently as I tried to communicate with her. But the labor went fine and we had a wonderful baby girl. Afterward, she commented how great I was in the delivery room. Go figure."

Mark Gazeley, of Portland, Ore., was satisfied to be a spectator, especially since he has an aversion to needles and his wife, Martha, opted for an epidural. Aaron Carroll of Vancouver, Wash., held the hand of his wife, Linde, through the entire labor and offered her gentle encouragement and support, but he found that the training he received to "coach" her breathing came across as stiff and unnecessary.

As I spoke with these fathers, I realized something about my own experience. Although my Lamaze training seemed to focus on breathing, that was not what JoAnn wanted or needed in the delivery room.

Since Lamaze retired the coach, the new goal of Lamaze training is to teach fathers how to provide quiet, gentle encouragement and support. But the Bradley Method still teaches dads to actively support moms. The big difference here is that while the older Lamaze classes stressed "focused breathing" as a way to control pain and taught the father or other partner to coach the mom during breathing, Bradley classes teach relaxation and natural childbirth. Under the Bradley Method, the role of the "coach" is less of a boss and more of a teammate and supporter.

Want to see more?

• Partner Power
• Postpartum Dad: Helping with Labor, Delivery and Baby's Homecoming"
• Putting Yourself in Her Shoes
• Talk about it!

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