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Passionate Parents
Keeping Love Alive After the Kids Arrive
By Johnathon Allen
"Couples tend to underestimate just how much of their free time evaporates after they have kids," Hubbard says. "Enjoying sex is a lot like eating a gourmet meal, and sufficient preparation time is essential for both. As a result, plenty of casually interactive time is a crucial nutrient for sustaining lively libidos. Without it, couples don't have the space they need to develop their inner passions. This is especially true for women. A man may be content with a 10-minute microwave dinner, but women need to feel like they have time to let the ingredients simmer. They like to have a few appetizers and feel pampered. So, whether sex is part of the plan or not, it's important that parents create time when they know they'll have a baby sitter, or can be together for an afternoon, so they have room to naturally advance the romance in their relationship."
Gary Weaver Li, a father of two from Portland, Ore., concurs. "Ironically, after we had kids, one of the best things for our sex life was living near our in-laws because we had consistent child care," he says. "After we moved away, it became MUCH harder to find quality time together, and the lack of casual time for going out for dinner, or having long talks, certainly had a negative impact on our intimacy."
While it's necessary for men to appreciate the need for their wives to enjoy a full course meal of sensuality, it's also important for women to realize that sex doesn't always have to be perfect to be good.
"Eating nothing but 'gourmet meals' may be the goal, but when you're hungry, you have to take what you can get. Sometimes a little 'fast food' is just enough to keep the engines revving," Hubbard says.
Of course, everybody has their own idea of what constitutes a good sex life, and it's not always easy to define or achieve. Is infrequent sex bad if it's always intense and beautiful? Is frequent sex worth having if it's always rushed and tense? According to Hubbard, the answers to these questions depends on the individual relationships.
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