Developmental Disagreements

When Other People See Something You Don't

By Shel Franco

Teachers, family members, friends and doctors: they are people whose opinions you respect. But that doesn't make it easy to take part in a conversation that goes something like this:

Them: "Have you had your little one tested?"
You: "Tested for what?"
Them: "___________." (Insert any number of childhood disorders, from autism to hearing loss.)

Your reaction to news like this might be denial, disbelief, shock, anger, fear or a combination. "I felt initially just scared, because I didn't know what to do at first, but also I felt sad, because I didn't want my son to be misunderstood by people," says Laura* of Pittsburgh, Pa.

It's never easy to hear that something may be amiss with your child's development. "Sometimes, parents can feel that their child needing some testing may reflect negatively on them as parents," says Dr. Carl G. Arinoldo, a psychologist in Stony Brook, N.Y. "Some parents tend to blame themselves when something may be wrong with their child. There may also be fear that the child may not be able to survive in society, both as a child and when he or she grows up. There can also be undue concern about what family, relatives and friends might say and think about the situation. In addition, the parents may have a fear of the unknown."

The suggestion for Laura to look deeper into the possibility of her son having autism came from a family member. Pushing her emotions aside, Laura secured the necessary resources for her son to be tested and observed, both in medical clinics and inside her own home.

Dr. Arinoldo says that the way Laura put her child's well-being first is exactly how the situation should be handled. "Whenever

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