Dad's New Role

Should a Worried Father-to-be Share His Concerns?

By Dr. Susan S. Bartell

So, you're having a baby ... well, at least your wife is. After all, she's the one feeling the kicks, having the check-ups and giving birth. Sometimes it seems that it's all about Mom, and in many ways it is. But what about you – the dad?

New fathers-to-be admit that their own concerns about becoming a father seem trivial compared to what their wives are experiencing. Indeed, relatives and friends are focused on the mother-to-be. Daily phone calls to check on her physical and emotional health confirm Dad's feeling that his adjustment to the big event is unimportant.

Greg B. from Seacliff, N.Y., wife to Sandra and new dad to 2-month-old Lia, worried about his new role. "When Sandy was pregnant I worried about whether I would be able to change diapers, soothe Lia and raise her the right way," he says. "But because everyone was so focused on Sandy, I didn't want to talk about myself. It also didn't seem fair to burden Sandy with my worries. I just hoped I would feel better when the baby came."

Although Greg's concerns were understandable, he, like many husbands, believed it was important to be "strong" during his wife's pregnancy. So he kept his feelings private, rather than burdening his wife or anyone else. After Lia's birth, Greg's worries did not immediately dissipate, as he had hoped. Instead, watching his wife breastfeed

Want to see more?

• Postpartum Dad Part Three – Playing Problem Police
• Postpartum Dad Part Two – Supporting Your Partner
• Postpartum Dad Part One – Helping with Labor, Delivery and Baby's Homecoming
• A Note to Fathers: It's You She Wants
• How I Knew I Was A Dad
• Talk About It!