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The Mr. Mom Myth

Exploring the Modern Day Dad

By Greg Downs

Struggling over discipline doesn't just affect the relationships between parents, it also affects how children respond to their parents, according to Tim Giardina, father of 2 1/2-year-old Jacob. "That's a very complex issue," says Giardina. "It definitely shapes his behavior toward the parent who's disciplining him. It also goes for when he gets hurt. I have to make sure it's not always the mom who picks him up and says it's going to be OK."

Many fathers say their children, when hurt or scared, look for whichever parent is closer, showing they believe either parent can reassure them. There are many other benefits to co-parenting for children and parents, says Frank, who is assistant professor of psychology at Oakton Community College in suburban Chicago.

"It's only positive things," says Frank. "The benefits for the father -- it's almost hard to describe without doing it. It doesn't emasculate you. It makes you a different person, a caring human being, so you can understand a child. It means so much to have that person who is in love with you. Dads report to me that once they get involved in it, they love it." Children with close attachments to both parents tend to do better in school and are more likely to avoid drug use and pregnancy during their teenage years, says Frank.

Not all fathers find it natural or easy to take an equal role in raising their children. Some come from very traditional families where fathers never changed diapers or did the laundry. Others are blind to the inequalities that exist. Typically, fathers do only about 20 percent of the child raising and housework.

"I'll be out in a restaurant and see a father and mother out for their first dinner with their 8-month-old baby, and the stroller will, of course, be next to the mom, so while the father's eating a relaxed dinner, the mom's stressed out and tending the baby, and the man doesn't even notice," says Frank.

Want to see more?

• Dads can do everything moms can except breastfeed. Find out how to bond with your breastfed baby.
• If you're divorced, learn how you can successfully co-parent with your ex.
• Read more about the changing role of fatherhood.
• Talk About It

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