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The Mr. Mom Myth

Exploring the Modern Day Dad

By Greg Downs

Years ago, actor Michael Keaton immortalized an image of inept fathers -- haphazardly and unsuccessfully scrambling to simultaneously change diapers and cook dinner -- and his performance gave dads a name that has stuck: Mr. Mom.

To many modern-day fathers, who are capable of and interested in taking care of their children, the sobriquet Mr. Mom demonstrates how little society's attitudes about fathers have changed.

"Mr. Mom, it really bugs me," says Joe Kelly, who directs Dads-and-Daughters, a non-profit program that lobbies against negative images of young girls in the mass media. "I'm not acting as their surrogate mom; I'm their father. It's my job as a parent, too."

Dr. Robert Frank, author of The Involved Father: Getting Dads to Participate More in the Daily Lives of Their Children, says perceptions that men aren't capable of nurturing are flat-out wrong. "There's really nothing a mother can do that a father can't do except breastfeeding," says Frank, who has two children, Kevin and A. J. "And if the mother breastfeeds, the father can burp."

Fathers like Kelly and Frank belie the conventional wisdom about men's limitations, even though many of them, like Kelly, learned how to nurture on the fly. While he and his wife had talked generally about sharing responsibilities, he says he was "totally unprepared to be a parent." His feelings of inadequacy increased when he learned during the delivery that they were going to have twin daughters.

"That kind of blew our plans to hell," Kelly says. "It was like: OK, we're in crisis mode. These kids are allergic to milk, allergic to soy. They're screaming all the time. They've got cramps. So we put them in the Snuglis and walked around the room until we all collapsed. Some of my best memories of my life are walking around wearing two Snuglis at the same time, carrying two babies and pacing the floor so they could sleep, listening to Creighton University games with the lights out so the lights wouldn't wake them up."

Want to see more?

• Dads can do everything moms can except breastfeed. Find out how to bond with your breastfed baby.
• If you're divorced, learn how you can successfully co-parent with your ex.
• Read more about the changing role of fatherhood.
• Talk About It

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